Hey Raga-rootlings. I just wanted to say thank you so much for reading and supporting me this far. Originally this story was supposed to be short, maybe even like 10 chapters. But here we are! Part 20! It has been a journey for sure! I hope you are all enjoying it as much as I am because we’ve made it past the halfway point and now are nearing the downfall of the series. Hold your buckles and tighten your shoelaces, because it’s going to get dark from here out. Well, sort of. See you all for the next update!
Drina was lost. It was not easy to trek across an unknown town, especially at night. Not only was it much bigger than Drina had realized, but filled with several surprises. There were roads to dead-ends and alleyways that back-tracked in the wrong direction. Whoever had built this city needed to get their head checked. Although Drina thought the worst, she could tell by the change in designs of houses that there had been several large expansions from the quick growth. Good for the population of the town, not good for her to navigate back to the hostel. Drina not only had to stop and turn around multiple times, she would need to duck and hide from the spirit as well. Quickly it floated about the streets, passing through walls and buildings with ease. This added an extra challenge of keeping hidden, knowing that at any time, it could pop out and attack her. It had been a while since she had last seen it, giving her a little more confidence. The pendulum spun faster, indicating she was getting close. Tired and weary, Drina took a deep calming breath. Soon she would put an end to the night and make sure Hestar was safe. Then she could rest.
Drina pressed her back against a wall, preparing to walk out from the shadows. Just when she thought she was in the clear, she spotted the spectre floating into view. Biting her lip, she tsked. How was it following her so closely? Once it passed by, she ran across to the adjacent alleyway. Skidding to a stop, she caught her breath as another one on the other side floated into view. Glancing behind her, she knew there was no way it couldn’t have jumped from the other road to get here. Had it broken off into several ghosts or may be called in more? Now she had more to worry about. She could hardly defend herself against one spirit, who knows how she would fair against several.
Kneeling behind a trash bin, Drina closed her eyes and held her fan still until she felt the presence pass. How long could she keep this up? Sooner or later, they would catch wind of her trace and follow it straight to her. And now with several more of them floating about, she was running out of time. Taking a deep breath, she prepared to run. With a quick check to her fan for directions, Drina peeked over the bin to make sure the passing spectral was out of sight before bursting into a full run. No sense in trying to be stealthy anymore.
Running close to the sides, Drina didn’t pause to check around the corners before running down the street. The air in her lungs burned hot, pain erupted all over her chest and legs. Finally, she recognized a building and smiled. At least she was close to somewhere she’d recently been. Hope fueled her, pushing harder through the pain. Her legs were weak and sore already from walking all day in the market. Drina knew if she stopped now, she wouldn’t be able to push on.
Ahead of her Drina spotted Alp’s restaurant, causing her to yell out with relief. She knew where she was now! Running past the building she continued on into the market. Freedom was so close yet still a few blocks away. A fresh wave of renewed energy hit her with a jolt. Homestretch, she thought victoriously. With a sharp turn, she burst into the middle of the street and spotted two spectral ahead. How careless, Drina thought while sliding to a stop. The two beings turned, locking their hollow eyes on her. There was no way to avoid them now. Turning to run the opposite way, she spotted a third coming out from behind a building. They all were aware of her presence now. Drina was going to be surrounded if she wasn’t careful. Stepping backwards she pivoted back down the street she came from, making a sharp right on the first street she could. She didn’t need to look back to feel the beings hot on her trail. They had the upper hand since she was already exhausted. That and they were dead.
Tingles on her spine warned her as she weaved to the left, taking an alleyway to avoid the several blasts that whizzed by her. Drina yelped, coming face to face with another one. The spectral was already prepared, firing a bolt right at her. She ducked in time to avoid it, the heat blasting her from above. Rolling beneath the entity, she sprang back to her feet and bolted. All Drina could do was run. Several more blasts flung past her from behind, hitting the buildings around her in a puff of black smoke and fire. Holding her breath, Drina jumped through it, landing out into the open street market. Pushing herself up, she dodged to the side to avoid another attack. Each bolt was hotter than the other. One mistake or one direct hit and she was done for. Hope filled her while she ran. Not far ahead was the opening of the market intersection. The side of the hostel was in view, meaning she was not too far away. Drina was almost there. The sudden lightness around her made her grin. The spectrals disappeared, leaving her be as she ran. Almost crying out in a chear, it felt like she had won this round. At least until she heard a cry from behind her.
Coming to a halt, she turned around in horror to see Hestar running behind her. The spectral didn’t stop their attack on her because she was close to the hostel. They stopped because they found a new target.
Drina cursed, pivoting to rush to her side. The spectres gathered, building their attacks to fire on the unsuspecting girl. Drina wasn’t going to make it. In a fit of fear, she unflipped her fan and threw all her power into it. With a prayer, she closed her eyes. Please, let me save her.
Opening her eyes, she swished it hard in front of her. Blue light sparked, conjure in a flash of swirling light and released as she flicked her wrist. To her surprise, the fan created a powerful current, dispersing the blasts with a blue smoky blade. All the ghosts flew back, clearing from above Hestar. The wind was strong enough to stop Hestar in mid-run. She covered her face to protect against the kicked-up sand from the current.
Drina watched in shock, renewed by the ability she never knew she had. Holding her fan in front of her she laughed.
“I take back calling you a curse!”
Quickly she rushed to Hestar’s side. Concentrating this time, she poured her energy into the fan with a quick burst. Aiming the attack, she swished it directly at two spectators side by side nearest to her. The blast hit them with surprise and flung them into the walls behind them. With a hard impact, it turned them into puffs of black smoke. It dissipated quickly, leaving no trace behind. Drina didn’t know if it was enough to destroy them for good, but it was enough for her. The tingle against her skin warned her once more of an incoming attack. She turned to bat off a bolt coming from the side. Flowing her energy became second nature to her as she connected to her fan. With a backhand swipe, she knocked it to the ground. Even though she had a way to fight the entities, there was no telling for how long.
Grabbing Hestar’s hand, she yanked hard toward the hostal. It was difficult to dodge all the while trying to defend them from bolts at the same time. At least Hestar didn’t fight her from being pulled, pushed and guided through the streets. It must have been a strange sight to behold. Drina powered her fan preemptively, waiting for the next attack when Hestar whispered harshly.
“W-when did you learn to do that?”
It was a bit of a surprise at first Hestar. Could she see the flashes of blue currents releasing from her fan? Drina pulled them out of the way from a blast before releasing her attack on the spirit. It cut the being in half with an otherworldly wail before bursting into a puff of smoke. Drina shot a grin toward Hestar before replying to her. She couldn’t help slather her words with a bit of cockyness in her tone.
“Just now. Seems there are a lot of things I can do on a whim.”
Her heroic moment was cut short when a bolt flew at them. Using less energy, her light blade only deflected a small portion of the attack, allowing the rest through. The small chunk hit her right in the shoulder, causing her to drop her fan with a shriek. Drina dropped to her knee, reaching up to put out the fire around her clothes. A large chunk of her skin was blistering and charred. Unable to move her arm, they were defenceless. Hestar dropped down to see the wound, tears streaming down her face. Looking about she couldn’t see where any of the attacks were coming from. She was terrified.
“Drina! What do we do now?”
Before Drina could respond, several of the entities gathered in front of them slowly. They built a small circle around them, preparing to attack. Thankfully the trusty bark of Wiggles shattered a few of them as he leaped in to save the day. The charred black demon dog leaped out in front of them, his slimy tongue slithering about. He crouched low to the ground and waited for them to attack. There were four beings remaining and gathering energy to attack at once. Hestar held Drina tightly, cheering at Wiggles.
“Good boy, Wiggles!”
Drina watched dumbfoundedly. What was the mutt planning to do? Taking all the attacks at once? Apprehensive, Drina watched the several bolts launch towards them. She thought for sure they were done for, bracing against Hestar. With a crackle, a small ethereal swirl opened in front of Wiggles. His jaw unhinged, opening with a powerful vacuum. It sucked everything in the air in front of him, pulling the flaming balls of fire into the void. Happily, the mutt ate all the attacks, snapping his jaw shut. With a loud gulp, he licked delightfully at his chops.
Drina watched with wide eyes. This beast was horrifying in so many ways. She didn’t know what to think of him anymore after all she had witnessed. With a turn of his head, the mutt nodded at Drina. Without any words, she understood what he meant. It was time to leave.
“Let’s go. Wiggles can take care of this.”
Drina pushed herself up with the help of Hestar, grabbing her fan with her other injured arm.
Hestar smiled, wrapping her arm around Drina for support while they hobbled towards the hostel. “Wiggles, huh? I thought you didn’t like the name.”
“Right now isn’t the time to talk about this. Besides, if you knew what I did, you’d be afraid to upset that dog too.”
Several more spectators began to form around them with dark swirls. This pushed Drina to urge them fast.
“Right now, we need to run.”
Letting go of Drina, Hestar followed her pace. They dodged a few blasts, the doors of the hostel insight. Almost there, Drina chanted in her mind. The distance to the hostal door was within her grasp when the prickles on her skin intensified. Hestar screamed, startling Drina to whip her head back at her.
One of the blasts struck her leg directly, tripping her to the ground. Before Drina could step forward, another blast hit the ground between them. She stumbled backwards to avoid it, wedging distance between. Drina looked over her shoulder towards the door. It was so close, yet she knew they weren’t going to make it at this rate. With several spectators in the sky, Drina looked up with rage. With a cry of agony, she released the last of her soul well at once. Leaping to Hestars side, she picked her up with unearthly strength. Several blasts came at them in a hurry. Drina knew they were panicking. Using her power, she gathered it all in her legs and ran. The sheer force in her push-off crushed the earth beneath her, leaving a small crater behind.
Drina bolted towards the doors. Several attacks launched at them in a flurry, missing Drina as her body glowed with power. With all of her weight, Drina launched her body into the door. The doors busted open with a shower of splinters from the impact. It did nothing to soften the blow from the speed. Hitting the floor with a slide, Drina let out a loud grunt. The wind was knocked out of her making it hard to breathe, but she needed to know they were safe. She turned to the entranceway, holding her breath at the horde of spirits flung themselves after them. The beings’ attacks bounce off an invisible barrier, stunning and deflecting them off. A few even shot at it to no avail. The darkened entranceway lit up, revealing the full moon in the sky beyond. Each of the spectres had flown off into the night.
They made it, they were safe. With that knowledge, Drina collapsed. Her head smacked the floor hard and her world went black.
3 thoughts on “Whispering Death (part 20)”
I like this story. But I want you to turn it up a notch. By that I mean put it where it belongs. Then I want you to practice. This is passive – “Drina was lost. It was not easy to trek across an unknown town, especially at night.” Every editor and editing software will point this out. You are free to ignore them, but passivity turns down the volume on your work/thoughts. Any time you are tempted to write “was”, look for an active verb. Drina trekked etc etc. Then we are in the action, not a step removed. Just a thought. Like I said, this is a great story. Give it all it deserves.
Thank you for reading and your feedback! I understand that I am still using passive and have already been working on my writing. I have said before in a previous comment that most of this was written before I started practicing and changing my style. I have a lot of backlog of chapters, shorts, and other one-shots of various types that I write constantly and have yet to post. So any of the current stories that will still have this mistake written will most likely occur for some time until I am sharp enough to spot it.
It will also take time for the advice you have given me before about Lanham’s revising prose to settle in. I’ve been studying it as much as I can and constantly searching for examples or ways to replace phrases. It will take time to learn to undo a writing style and to adjust to one that I can do fluently. I don’t rely on writing programs because I am trying to learn to recognize them myself. Of course, my stories are going to be constantly littered with mistakes. I am not a professional writer and have only been publicly sharing my writing for only a year. That means I’ve been writing the same style with no guidance until you first shared any opinion or advice.
I appreciate that you take the time to read and comment. It’s very useful especially if it is something I am not aware of. Since I am now widely aware of the current issue at hand, I do think that it is no longer necessary to continue to point them out. I am actively practicing and reading tips and guides for methods to replace passive voicing, regardless if it is working or not yet. I am just glad that people enjoy the premise of the story while I am adjusting to the technical aspects of creative writing. If there are other grammatical issues that keep occurring outside of passive and active voicing, I would love the feedback and general opinions.
Again, thank you so much for the time you give me by reading and commenting. It is inspiring, if not challenging, for my ability to improve.
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I think we should try to hit the page with what works and then go through and line edit. The story is the importany thing.